What does your reflection show?!

I’ve had my ups and I’ve had my downs. Had my fair share of shit.
Maybe it’s not been as bad as what you have went through or the person next to you…but why do people feel the need to compare? When did our pain and struggles become quantifiable? When did it all become a competition? Why can’t we all console one another instead of compete? We all deal with situations in a different way…maybe I’d be stronger in a situation that you’d  struggle in and vice versa…We deal with things differently. Life has a way of doing that to us…making us who we are or who we are to become. Everyone has a past,therefor everyone has a story to tell…Some share theirs like an open book and tell the world via Facebook, not my way,but then again that’s the freedom of choice for others and none of my business how other people decide on how & what to share. Some would argue that I’m doing the same via this blog… but although I share the fact I’ve had “dark times”, and admittedly still do, I don’t recall stating when or what caused them. I’ve never really stated what my “demons” or “dark times” are either, I’ve been very general about it… but that’s beside the point. I think it’s a great thing to be able to be open about issues that affect or have affected us in our past (that possibly still impact on our present/future)believe it or not I don’t find that easy, and admittedly I struggle greatly with communication! Especially when it comes down to me trying to express how I am feeling without feeling guilty or ashamed of what I am feeling. I have a very small handful of people that my heart chooses to confide in – about all aspects of my life, the good, the bad and the ugly. There are people I let in and expose the most vulnerable side of me and I readily trust with my vulnerabilities then there are others in which I am a closed book. And to be honest there isn’t always a logical reason behind why i’ve decided to let someone in to see a deeper side of me or not. What I want to expose about myself is within my control, I choose who to let in  and when. I’m O.K. with that. More importantly, I am becoming more open and honest with myself. I’m still learning about me and how to be a better version of ME. I’m O.K. with that too. However, something I have come to realise is that I allow other people’s opinion, attitude and judgement impact on me way too much. Much more than I should. I let other people’s negative attitude and mood rub off and reflect on to me and then carry that around. Questioning myself for reasons of someone else’s negativity to a point of self blame. And if I’m being honest, it pisses me off that I can’t protect myself from that.  I allow other people to impact and ultimately ruin my mood. I don’t feel I have control over that but, rest assured,  I WILL gain control over it. I just don’t know how to yet, but you see i’m clever that way and I WILL figure it out.  And before anyone gives me the “f**k it, you shouldn’t care what other people think”, “just don’t give a f*ck & get on with it”  or the famous “just shake it off” Bullshit attitude just STOP, I don’t need that kind of negative nonsense attitude in my life either so keep it to yourself!  If you aren’t helping me solve the problem, chances are you are part of it. There is so much more I could choose to say in a blog but I’m more private than that – those of you who have gotten to know me, know this.  I also choose not to say certain things as I don’t write a blog to cause conflict or hurt others, quite the opposite actually. (Plus I can’t be bothered with people feeling sorry for themselves like I’m having some sort of dig at them when I’m not and chances are they’ve probably never entered my mind at the time of writing but “If the shoe fits” and all that)… I HATE conflict…I HATE attitudes when things don’t go their way then nothing else matters, losing tempers over insignificant details that really don’t alter life in the slightest and they lose sight of the bigger picture of life,  the childish like behaviour and attitude of “don’t speak to me” “I’m not speaking to” whoever it maybe on the hit list that day/week over insignificant bullshit that the other person wasn’t even aware of..get over yourself, the world does not revolve around you. WAKE THE FUCK UP!! LIFE is too damn short for Bullshit and drama!! People always say we only live once,NO WE DIE ONCE!! We live every single second that our heart and lungs allow! We all live on borrowed time. Use it wisely!Tell your loved ones you love them, even when they’ve made mistakes, we all do. It’s all part of life. You just never know when that choice is taken from you, forever. Don’t leave it too late. LIVE every second without regret, without worry and fear, forgive and move on, love to your fullest and fill your life with happiness and laughter. And if, like me, you aren’t quite doing that, then find a way to start. Everyone is capable of doing that. EVERYONE! As long as they are willing to try. We should all look into the mirror of our souls and question our reflection. What are you reflecting on to others? What are you allowing others to reflect on to you? Wouldn’t the world be a nicer place if everyone addressed their own attitudes and issues without holding a magnifying glass over everyone else’s?! Ask someone else how they are doing today, you might just change their life! Love L xxx